How Not To Do Email Marketing…
Hardly a day goes by that I do not receive a spammy email of some description which promises me top rankings in Google (usually through the enquiry form on my web site).
Some of them are so bad that they are funny.
Here are a selection to give you a laugh to start your new year off :
“Do you want to grow your business? Do you have serious, defined sales goals?”
-This was the entire message! (I am not joking)
“I’ve helped hundreds of companies increase their traffic and I’d love to show you what my service can do for you. I don’t promise the world, I’m straight forward and to the point … I deliver rankings. My rates are completely affordable and I don’t want to oversell you either, I start small and have my clients begging for more. I won’t take on your site unless I know I can deliver rankings. Reply to this e-mail if you have the slightest interest … you’ll never see rankings the same way again.”
– Well, I am not sure that I really want to be in the position where I am ‘Begging For More’…
“Search Engine Marketing will increase your company’s online presence through comprehensive online marketing campaigns, targeted search engine optimization, and highly managed internet marketing promotions. A search engine marketing campaign will encompass several procedures and factors to make it successful. Please reply to this email so we can send you more details.”
– I am glad that you explained that you would utilise ‘several procedures and factors to make it successful’ – that makes all the difference in my book!
“Let us do the tedious SEO work for you. You know your business, we know SEO. Our rates are some of the most competitive in the industry. We will put in writing that everything we do adheres to all ethical Search Engine Optimization guidelines. At a minimum you owe it to yourself and your business to reply to this email so I can send you more information.”
– You’re right – I owe to myself and my business to reply to every single piece of junk mail I get!
“We are interested to increase traffic to your website, please get back to us in order to discuss the possibility in further detail.”
– A very, very persuasive argument there…
“We are Internet Marketing experts who can help you answer these questions, drive mass traffic to your site, and dramatically increase sales.”
– The ‘internet marketing experts’ above did not even leave a valid phone number!
“Dear Sir/Madam,
We are a Delhi-NCR, India based, and leading Web Marketing company with Competency in PPC (Pay-Per-Click, Google Adwords etc) working as an outsourcing partner for many reputed PPC and Online Advertising agency based in USA, UK, Canada and Australia.
We are one of the trusted names in PPC Services . Being an important marketing tool as well as costly, managing your PPC advertising should be imperative to generate maximum ROI for your money. Our PPC management Services will not leave you disappointed with regard to generating maximum return on investment for your money.
Our team adopts advanced level of techniques and the PPC best Practice in Industry while working on thousand of PPC accounts with different platforms as Google, Yahoo and Bing.
We incorporate these below points in our partnership.
•Agency Client Oriented Approach in our process.
•Sign-up the NDAs ( Non-Disclosure Agreement).
•White label for client re-selling and re branding.
•Facility to provide effective Online Project Management Tracking tools.
•Frequent reporting with all required format and information.
•Timely and smooth communication etc.Our PPC professionals have excellent expertise in selecting the right targeted keywords for proper Geo-targeting, focusing on the attractive creatives like “Titles and Description” for the PPC Ads creation and maintaining the cost per click (CPC) at low levels.
We assure you a high ROI on your PPC accounts and fruitful partnership.
We look forward starting a long and healthy business relationship with you.
We will be happy to AMAZE you with our work. I will really appreciate if you please let me know your PPC requirements.”
– I can’t speak any foreign languages at all, and the text above is a much much better stab at English than I could have at any other language, but if you are selling a service that includes the writing of English language adverts for clients, then you really need to make sure that the English in your email marketing is 100% correct. #fail as they would say on twitter…
“Search Engine Marketing will increase your company’s online presence through comprehensive online marketing campaigns, targeted search engine optimization, and highly managed internet arketing promotions. A search engine marketing campaign will encompass several procedures and factors to make it successful. Please reply to this email so we can send you more details.
“
– Sigh…..That is the same as as another one I listed above, got but this time with typo!
Dear Webmaster,
I am Linda and I am doing three way link exchanges.
I recently came across your site ppcni.com through search and found it good enough for link exchange.
I have many good quality sites that can help you to increase your website ranking in Google search engines.
If you are also interested for a link exchange with good quality sites then contact me and we will proceed accordingly.
I look forward to hear from you soon…
Thanks,
Linda
– Linda, it’s nice to know that you feel my site is ‘good enough’ for a link exchange. Flattery will get you anywhere…
I’ll add to this post as and when I get more top quality offers of help from the many internet marketing experts out there :-)….
Also – if anyone has ever replied to one of these unsolicited emails, I would love to hear about the outcome!
4 thoughts on “How Not To Do Email Marketing…”
Leave a Reply
You must be logged in to post a comment.
[New Post] How Not To Do Email Marketing… – via #twitoaster http://www.ppcni.com/email-marketing-2/9…
[New Post] How Not To Do Email Marketing… – via #twitoaster http://www.ppcni.com/email-marketing-2/9…
Jordan, you’re right to point out the dreadful wording used in these emails. It’s hard to believe anyone can write and send such guff with a straight face! “As a minimum you owe it to yourself” had me cracking up and cringing in equal measure!
:-)